Sunday, October 22, 2006

You Don't Need Rainbows to Tell You the Sun is Out

As I sit down to write today's article I look past the monitor in front of me, through the window as I watch the rain come down. I see a leaf float by on the road as it makes its way to the sewer only a few doors away. It feels as if it has rained quite a bit the past month and sometimes it feels that that is all it has done.

Now, I know that lots of different kinds of people visit this site and each have their own reason for coming. I don't try and understand each and everyone's reason for coming to the site but I do try and make sure to write something for everyone as long as it pertains to our situation. With that, I do know that there must be other families in similar situations as ours who do come to this site to see how we are handling the cards we have been dealt.

It is not easy having a child who's future is undetermined. Of course everyone's future is undetermined but for the most part there are certain things about your child that you do not expect to have to worry about. Will my child be able to go to school and have friends like most other children, for one.

As I sit here writing, I reflect on a song that I recall singing to Parker when he was first admitted to Centennary Hospital in Scarborough before being diagnosed with ADA deficiency. The song is from a movie with Doris Day and the lyrics are as follows:
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

Now I have children of my own
They asked their mother what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be
The song consists of three versus and I could probably spend quite a bit of time writing about each one on its relevance to my life, but there is one that I find more relevant than the others in this particular situation.

The particular verse is the second of the three, and reads, When I grew up and fell in love; I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead; Will we have rainbows day after day; Here's what my sweetheart said.

I have heard numerous times that the stress of having a sick child is one of the most difficult things for a marriage. To be honest, I know of many marriages that have crumbled under the stress of having to turn their lives upside down due to their child's illness. I am sure that there are at least a few people that visit this site who can attest to that.

I think I am writing today's article to those few visitors who are going through something similar as to what my wife and I are. There are probably days that you find extremely difficult. Days that you may find yourselves extremely upset with each other. There will be times in which you would hope for at least one rainbow. I know, I have felt that way.

However, when I do find myself feeling this way I realise that although I cannot control the future and what it brings, I am able to control how I let it affect me. I realise that through these difficult times it is my wife that I need more than anything to help me through this. I also know that she needs me to help her when she feels overwhelmed. I try never to forget this.

I had recently noticed that my lawn had started to look like a small forest as I have not been able to cut it due to it being so wet. But today, as I watch the rain fall on the lawn outside my home, it helps the fertilizer make its way into the soil. I was able to do some yard work yesterday when the sun was out. It was even warm enough to take my jacket off as I did it. Although, I did not see a rainbow, the sun was out and the sky was clear and even though it was only for a short while, my wife and son watched me cut the lawn from the open doorway leading into our home.


nana said...

My Little Little Man:

How I wish you beautiful rainbows at every turn of your life. You are our inspiration and the love of our lives.
Que sera sera is very true but we all feel that "whatever will be will be" at the end of this horrid nightmare will be a strong and healthy boy who is loved and admired by everyone who is fortunate to have you touch their life no matter how.

We will love you always.

Nana and Granddad

Allyson said...

What a nice entry today! thanks for that! Enjoy everyday Parker-rainbows or not!

Uncle Mikey said...

Dear Parky,
Your daddy wrote the most beautiful article! You are definitely a tough, tough little boy! We know that thru everything you've already had to endure, the love of your parents and family will always stay strong.
We love you big guy!
Auntie Christini, Uncle Mikey and Jacob xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Natalie said...

Parker Poo,

Your Daddy wrote a very beautiful article today. I know there will be many rainbows around the corner...when your Daddy writes for us he helps us to remember to take the time to see the little rainbows everyday. I love you Parker are a lovebug! May the sound of rain or the sun shining today make you laugh your great big beautiful laugh little one!

Lots & lots of Love,
Auntie Natalie xoxoxox